When You Look At Me
by Lily Anna Evans Potter
Summary: Episode 8.18 canon Clinn expansion: While waiting for Lydia's birth, Quinn wanders off and finds herself at the room where Clay once lay in a coma. When he tracks her down, she sees the promise of a future in his eyes she wished for on that desperate day she almost lost him. Kids with bushy eyebrows and card game skills are a given for them...someday.


**When You Look At Me**

On that warm April night at New Brunswick County Hospital, her baby sister's labor was progressing on schedule. But somehow, despite her excitement about the imminent arrival of her new niece, Quinn James's joy was mingled with a restlessness she couldn't explain. Sitting beside her in the waiting room of the maternity ward, Jamie was browsing solemnly through a box of possible scrapbook materials, well on his way to being an excellent big brother. He didn't look up when she got to her feet and mumbled something about stretching her legs for a minute, engrossed in the photographs of his parents.

Quinn wandered off, not really paying attention to where she was going until she suddenly found herself in the ward just one step better than intensive care. "No," she whispered, shaking fingers pressed to the glass window looking into room 803. Haley's entire pregnancy had passed since Clay had been on the verge of death in this room, vivid in her mind's eye despite the blinds being closed right now. But whatever ghosts had led her to this wing brought the agony and desperation swarming back as she stood there, helpless against the memories.

 _Seven months earlier_

 _Quinn could sense Haley's concerned gaze from the corner of the room as she leaned gingerly towards Clay's bed from her wheelchair. "Hi handsome," she said softly, caressing his limp fingers gently. Staring at his pale face, she felt alone in her desperation in spite of all her siblings visiting in shifts since she had been hospitalized. "My whole family's been to visit. It's usually best to be in a coma for that, so nice going, babe." The beeps of the machines monitoring his vitals were making it harder to joke, but Quinn knew that if she didn't she would fall apart. "Hey, guess what...it's gonna take us longer to get into Nathan's basketball games from now on. My right boob will probably set off the metal detector; apparently a piece of the bullet is still in there. That's something to cross off your fantasy-girl wish list, right?"_

 _Quinn heard Haley's footsteps shuffling towards her wheelchair and raised one hand in protest; she couldn't look her sister in the eyes right now. Clay's hand felt scarily cool in her grasp, but she couldn't bear to let go. "So just between us," she continued quaveringly; "everybody's putting on a really brave face, but I think they're all really scared. Nobody can imagine losing you…but that's not going to happen is it?" Quinn could feel the first defiant tears escaping her weary eyes; "My man is too strong for that, I know it! So…um, why don't you surprise us all? Open those beautiful blue eyes and take my breath away, like you know you do. Just open those eyes, that see me like no eyes ever have…and I'll be right here waiting." Begging and pleading out loud was obviously futile, so when Quinn could no longer speak around the lump lodged in her throat, she kissed Clay's hand with tears streaming down her cheeks and prayed harder than she had ever done in her life._

Quinn leaned her forehead against the glazed window, the memories vivid enough to bring tears to her eyes. This hallway was mercifully deserted, so no one could witness her ridiculous flashbacks in front of a shuttered room. "Get a grip," she muttered sternly to herself, but she couldn't bring herself to look up until she heard footsteps and a warm hand touched her shoulder.

"There you are!" Clay was grinning at her when she turned around. "What are you doing up here all by yourself? Come on, Nate says they're getting close."

"I'm just…feeling thankful," said Quinn softly. "I'm so thankful, for you and my soon to be niece and this life. I didn't mean to stay away so long."

"Wait a minute." Clay had spotted the room number she was hovering in front of and was frowning now. "Isn't this where…?"

"Yeah, it is." The pained look of realization in his eyes made Quinn want to cry again, so she buried her face against his chest instead. "I was so sure I was going to lose you. You have no idea how scary it was."

"Of course I do," he corrected her; "because I've already been through it once, remember?"

Quinn bit her lip, realizing what she'd said; "Clay, I…"

"It's okay," he said, stroking her hair so gently it soothed her swelling emotions. "You are my future, Q. There was a time when I couldn't even imagine that, so just…thank you for existing. Is that too cheesy?"

"My Mom did always call me her heart girl," Quinn shrugged. "I guess cheesy is part of the deal, I'll take it. I can't wait to meet her namesake."

"If she's anything like her Mom and her Aunt Quinn I'm sure going to be crazy about her," Clay smiled. "You James girls save lives. We're going to have kids of our own someday, you know."

"They'll have your big bushy eyebrows," said Quinn teasingly.

"And your superior card game abilities," Clay shot back, rolling his eyes.

"Oh my God, let it go already!" Quinn giggled, hitting him playfully.

Clay grabbed her hand and held it against his ribcage, suddenly looking solemn. "You can't feel it like a heartbeat or anything, but thanks to Will Bennett's kidney you're kind of stuck with me. Not going anywhere, okay?"

"Okay," Quinn whispered, wiping her embarrassingly moist eyes stubbornly. "I love you so much." She hugged him tightly, finally stepping back when his warmth and strength had calmed her down. "You know, you're not allowed to say you want kids unless you mean it."

"Of course I mean it. I love you, you goof. Which part of the phrase you are my future was unclear?"

"Just checking." She kept one arm around him so her fingers brushed the spot where his donor kidney was located. "You better keep your promise of insane love, mister!"

"Q, that's like the easiest promise in the world to keep. It's a given, alright?" The adoring smile on her face made him not want to end this moment between them and it was with extreme reluctance that Clay guided his girlfriend back towards the maternity ward. "Let's get out of here, we've got a new generation of heart girl to start influencing."

"Nerd superpower influences activate," said Quinn and with the fist bump they exchanged before heading off in search of Nathan, she finally realized that she had her someday within reach. While David used to call her overly sensitive, she saw her future in the depths of Clay's eyes and couldn't imagine life without it.

 **A / N Really random piece of fluff, expanding on the moment they shared in 8x18. Enjoy all! xx**


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